you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
