im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry my hands just texted you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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