I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
