Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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