The maid of honor just puked.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
