He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
