Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
