Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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