He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
