I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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