If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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