kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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