I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
