it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
