i think my tv is drunk
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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