I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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