I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
