i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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