I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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