Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
