I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
