What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
