Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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