these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
