That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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