He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
