i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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