Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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