he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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