new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
