I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
