My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
