dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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