I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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