I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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