Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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