Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize