I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
