I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
