You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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