grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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