i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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