He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
