So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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