I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
