He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
