I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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