those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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