Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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