my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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