she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
