You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
