just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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