LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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