You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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