just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
